Barsexuality is the new black.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
