I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
