oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
