It's Friday. Sex?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
