tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
