I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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