Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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