The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
