Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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