did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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