Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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