alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
