Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
