i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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