she was so not down for the gang bang
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
