Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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