I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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