so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
