Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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