she looked like the before picture.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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