I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
