I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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