i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
