is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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