i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
