8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
