Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
