I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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