U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
