actually, I'm a sock model
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
