look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
