Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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