final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
