i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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