When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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