I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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