Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
