Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
