You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
