You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
