i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
