I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
