I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
