Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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