your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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