I'm pants shitting drunk right now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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