batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
