When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pants are for mortals
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
