I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize