Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
