I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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