I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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