Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize