She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize