Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
