Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize