I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
