oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize