I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
