I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Houston, we have a blender
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
