True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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