i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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