It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize