I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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