We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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