quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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