He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
