I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
