WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
