I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
