I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
