She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
