If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
