you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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