Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
