kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
