Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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