Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
