thus making me awesome and them whores
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize