So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
