Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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