names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize