At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she peed on how many people?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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