so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
