there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
