I just threw up on my dentist
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
